Back when we didn’t have electric toothbrushes, my dentist told me that I was brushing my teeth too hard. He told me to hold the toothbrush like I was holding a baby bird. It stopped me from gripping and ripping over my gums.

It’s a good tip for other things. Turning on the car, holding your phone, pressing keys on a keyboard, making coffee, playing with your kids or pets. Be gentle, slow down. The baby bird approach will slow you down and make you more present. You’ll focus on the task at hand and stop you from rushing to the finish line.  

Old friends are honest with you. They know where you started and how you evolved. They call you out on the good, the bad, and the ugly. Honesty with a bit of humor pops your bubble.

A fun teasing little comment like ‘you’ve lost some hair since we last saw each other!” or something more serious like “Is everything okay, you don’t seem yourself?”, is grounding and gets you back to basics.

Be careful of people who don’t have old friends in their life. Who is telling them the truth or keeping the grounded?

New friends only understand who you are now and don’t have the context for where you’ve been.

Water the garden of friendship. There are so many ways to stay in touch these days. There’s no excuse.

Don’t confuse patience with loyalty.

Some of the best decisions I made in my life was when I had the patience to hang on.

The best outcomes have been when the fundamentals were strong, my gut and brain were aligned, and I’ve stayed on the case even when times got tough. Without patience and the courage to stick with it, I would have flaked and lost out in the long run.

Some of the worst decisions I’ve made in life are when I’ve hung on too long because of loyalty. The truth is that that the underlying reason for the loyalty was my fear of the unknown.

Ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t afraid. If the answer is to continue, then that’s fine…onward. But if it’s move on, then maybe it’s time.

I signed up for a squash tournament a couple of years ago. I’ve always had a knack for the game and thought I’d see how I’d do in a competitive setting. I was thrashed in my first match. Ugh. It was frustrating. 

A more experienced and talented friend watched my first game and offered up some welcomed coaching advice. His advice was to always get back to the T. The T is the center of the court and being in the center would give me control over the court and make the next shot easier. 

It’s seductive to watch an opponent scramble to reach a good shot. But admiring means you ain’t moving. Get back to the T and wait for the response. Being centered means you are balanced and waiting. I won the next game and it wasn’t because I was warmed up, it was because I charged back to the center each time. 

Stay on the T, stay balanced and count your chickens after the game. 

Northern California weather has got to be the best in the world. It’s like a perpetual shoulder season alternating between Spring and Fall. Never too hot, never too cold. The nights north and south of San Francisco usually are calm and windless. Most times, you slip on a jersey when the sun sets behind Mount Tamalpais or the Santa Cruz mountains. Winters are bluebird days interspersed with rain that turn the hills green. The hills turn a crisp golden color in the summer while the Pacific Ocean keeps everything temperate.

People spend their lives searching for perpetual Fall conditions, and then they discover NorCal.

On transcontinental flights, sometimes a loaded plane with a full tank of jet fuel, people and cargo has to reverse backwards to the edge of the runway to get extra tarmac on takeoff. Every extra meter matters when it comes to momentum.

Sometimes you need to take a step back in your career if it means being part longer journey. Maybe it’s a job title, compensation, or location. When you make the trade off, weigh it against the extra momentum by taking a step back.

Sometimes the only way through something is to know I can’t go back. When things get rough, it’s tempting to bail out and retrace my steps. If there’s a trap door, I’ll most likely take it and regroup. A regroup, and do-over is easy to rationalize. The problem is that a false start leads typically leads to a no-start.

When I figuratively burn the boats then the only way out is through. More often than not, once I’m on the other side, I look back and am grateful I persevered. The struggle also makes the destination even sweeter.

Part of the joy of achieving something hard is that the destination is not something I can read about or hear about from someone else’s experience. The satisfaction is in the doing and the earning. 

Live in places where lots of seniors and kids are visible, noisy and active. I’m not talking about contrived suburbia where every house is a castle and nobody sees each other. The places I mean have high walkability, town squares and areas to gather for the community.

The rest of the age groups can take care of themselves. High visibility of kids and old people are an indicator that a community is safe, nurturing and alive. Kids represent the tomorrow and the older generations carry the wisdom and anchor the community.

I have no doubt that to learn this off by heart would greatly benefit anybody.

Act 4 Scene 3

BRUTUS
Under your pardon. You must note beside,
That we have tried the utmost of our friends,
Our legions are brim-full, our cause is ripe.
The enemy increaseth every day.
We, at the height, are ready to decline.
There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves
Or lose our ventures.

Shakespeare

In surfing, a keyhole is a channel surfers use to paddle out from a rocky beach. Rather than walk and slip over a reef before launching into the water, you can paddle out using the channel though the reef if the tide is right. The locals will show you the way, but they won’t guide you. You need to watch, learn, and follow. Nobody is going to hold your hand and give you a guide book. Once you paddle out, then you’ve got to earn your spot in the lineup. One too many false takeoffs or wipeouts on a wave and you are toast. The better surfers will call your bluff and steal a wave from under your nose.

The paddle out and the line up is a great leveler. Yes, jets skis have opened up access and made surfing more coin-operated, but in most cases, there aren’t jet skis. Jets skis are like ski lifts. Imagine if everyone had to hike the mountain before they ski down. There would be way fewer people up there.

Respect local customs and earn your place in the lineup. Same for most things in life.