Most people who complain and fight about stuff online also complain about things in the real world. Next time you read a toxic comment on twitter or a complaint about a flight delay, traffic, San Francisco, click on the complainer’s profile and read their other tweets. Most of the time they are bitching about everything else as well: A buggy product work, politics, other people. 

The other day I overheard someone at the park complaining about another parent’s kids. The person was being entirely over the top, dropping f-bombs, basically a complete wanker. A couple of days later, I saw the same person in the grocery store complaining about some mundane thing while the sales clerk nodded patiently. I felt like going over and saying that this it was he’s always like. For some people complaining and fighting is their default operating system. 

Mute these people on twitter and ignore them in real life. Their bark is worse than their bite, but it’s still not worth your time and energy. Their anger usually is covering up for sadness and trauma, but let them unpack that stuff with their therapist or their mother.

Move one and hang out with positive people. 

Any new sport starts with a high addictive energy kick. The Endorphin highs and excitement is fantastic. Anything is possible. You want to master whatever it is.

The next phase is the dip. Your muscles hurt, progress slows down, and low energy kicks in. If it’s surfing, the dip is when you start getting a rash, and the salt water burns the chafing. If it’s yoga, the dip is when getting up for a morning class feels like a chore, and your back muscles are sending warning timeout signals.

Breakthroughs happen after a dip. Most people miss them because they give up during the dip. Breakthroughs happen when you start going through the motions, and muscle memory kicks in. You get into the zone. There’s no warning, then suddenly it happens – clarity, peace, calm – and then it’s gone.

Keep working and push through the next dip when it arrives. The cool thing is that the breakthroughs are cumulative and build over time. The bad news is that the dips get deeper too.

Keep going; it’s worth it.

Want to get physically fit? Hang out with fit people.

Want to eat healthily? Break bread with people who eat a balanced diet and are thoughtful eaters.

Want less phone time? Socialize with people who have the discipline to be present when they are interacting with you.

Want to raise your kids to be good citizens? Move to a neighborhood or city that has similar values.

Peer pressure is a force for good if it pressures you into making healthy, sensible decisions.

Show me your peers and show you your future.

I used to think that being called a pragmatist was a compliment, and being called pedantic was an insult. But I’ve learned that it depends on the circumstances.

I don’t want a pragmatic anesthesiologist if I am getting prepped for surgery. The dosage needs to be accurate. Too much and sometimes it’s fatal, not enough, and the operation can’t begin. I’ll take pedantic all day long.

If I’m baking a cake and I can’t remember how much salt to add, then just a couple of pinches will do. It won’t matter if it’s too much or too little. Just enough is plenty. That’s where pragmatism works just fine.

The same principals apply to contract negotiation. Some clauses require accuracy and precision. Be pedantic, because those details could save your business or your livelihood later on. There are parts of the contract that may be worth conceding, and that’s where pragmatism kicks in.

Pragmatism saves me time upfront and helps me get stuff done. Pedanticism saves my skin later when things get examined with a fine-tooth comb. Learn to spot the difference.

Whenever we are given an expensive bottle of wine or splurge on our favorite bottle, we nickname it Earthquake Wine.

Living in California means that experiencing an earthquake is not about if, it’s about when. We’ve seen the pictures of the 1989 Loma Prieta quake. Big shocks mean broken windows, overturned bookcases, and severe structural damage. I doubt that a bottle of wine in a cupboard will go unscathed. So why wait? We drink it and savor it when we’ve got it. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion. These bottles don’t gather dust in our house

With most beautiful things, I can never understand why people buy fancy watches or rare cars and then store them in cotton wool never to see daylight — what a waste. If I’m going to buy it, then I plan to enjoy it.

It’s like the saying “give with warm hands” – if I I’m going to give, then I do it while I’m are alive and share in the joy of sharing and giving. Don’t wait until you are dead. What’s the point?

Pop open that bottle and enjoy it, put on the watch, take the car for a spin, help out someone now. Do it with warm hands.

Don’t wait, do it. What would you do if you waited another six months or six years?

From each decision, understand the possible outcomes from that decision. Will you know more if you wait and take more time, or are you just afraid of the unknown. Be honest.

An outcome after you make a decision depends on the probability of a particular result. Maybe you are 99% certain of the outcome, or perhaps you are 20% certain. Plan accordingly.

We procrastinate because we want certainty and control when we make a decision. If we had 100% certainty in life, then all decisions would be easy! Use the best information you have at the time and then proceed.

Audience member: "Dave Chappelle, what advice would you give to someone who wants to start a career in comedy?"

Chappelle: "Start."

— Matt Turck (@mattturck) December 16, 2019

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.” – Seneca

Pause. 

Relax your jaw. 

Close your eyes and rotate your eyeballs. 

Relax your face and drop the frown or the creased forehead. 

Wiggle your fingers and let your hands slowly close to their natural resting position. 

Take a deep belly breath and feel your shoulder drop and relax. 

Repeat. 

Photo by Elmira Gokoryan on Unsplash

Back when we didn’t have electric toothbrushes, my dentist told me that I was brushing my teeth too hard. He told me to hold the toothbrush like I was holding a baby bird. It stopped me from gripping and ripping over my gums.

It’s a good tip for other things. Turning on the car, holding your phone, pressing keys on a keyboard, making coffee, playing with your kids or pets. Be gentle, slow down. The baby bird approach will slow you down and make you more present. You’ll focus on the task at hand and stop you from rushing to the finish line.  

Old friends are honest with you. They know where you started and how you evolved. They call you out on the good, the bad, and the ugly. Honesty with a bit of humor pops your bubble.

A fun teasing little comment like ‘you’ve lost some hair since we last saw each other!” or something more serious like “Is everything okay, you don’t seem yourself?”, is grounding and gets you back to basics.

Be careful of people who don’t have old friends in their life. Who is telling them the truth or keeping the grounded?

New friends only understand who you are now and don’t have the context for where you’ve been.

Water the garden of friendship. There are so many ways to stay in touch these days. There’s no excuse.

Don’t confuse patience with loyalty.

Some of the best decisions I made in my life was when I had the patience to hang on.

The best outcomes have been when the fundamentals were strong, my gut and brain were aligned, and I’ve stayed on the case even when times got tough. Without patience and the courage to stick with it, I would have flaked and lost out in the long run.

Some of the worst decisions I’ve made in life are when I’ve hung on too long because of loyalty. The truth is that that the underlying reason for the loyalty was my fear of the unknown.

Ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t afraid. If the answer is to continue, then that’s fine…onward. But if it’s move on, then maybe it’s time.