Have you ever thought about phoning someone for a catch-up, reached for your phone to dial their number – but your phone starts ringing because they are already phoning you? The person you were going to call is calling you, and you have thought about talking to each other at precisely the same time!

The same thing happens on WhatsApp. I’ll be thinking I need to message a friend and check-in – and out of the blue, I’ll get pinged from that friend checking in on me.

Have you ever dreamed about an old friend and then heard some news that they are going through a tough time. I have no idea why this happens again and again, but I’ve stopped being surprised.

Nowadays, when an old friend pops into my head, then I always try to give them a call or send them a quick note. Maybe they pick up, perhaps they don’t, it doesn’t matter, I follow up with a quick text and then continue on my way.

If you think that phone calls are a drag in 2020, then time box the call. Tell the person you only have 15 minutes, it’ll help you skip the pleasantries and get down to catching up. Follow up with an email or a text. Sometimes a note and a check-in from an old friend can go a long way for someone. Just because they don’t respond doesn’t mean it didn’t hit home.

Mentors are guides who can help you with a shared experience. Tricky decisions can be talked through and played out on paper. Mentorships come about through relationships and favors, but a mentor doesn’t usually have skin in the game. At the end of the day, you are on your own.

Allies are people who have aligned interests where a particular outcome is mutually beneficial to both of you. If those interests diverge, then the alliance won’t last. That’s how alliances work.

Co-conspirators are in it together. You conspire together, plan together, lose together, and win together. The plan only works if you trust each other and work together hand in hand.

Seek out co-conspirators who have the same values as you. You need people with skin in the game when things get tough or when things go well.

Happy 2020 everyone.

I try to participate in a group open water sea swim each morning. It’s the perfect tonic to start the day. After the swim and a cold shower at the beach, I treat myself to a black coffee. It’s hard to beat.

Last week it blew a pumping onshore wind, which swept in a lot of seaweed and blue bottles. Blue bottles are like jellyfish and have a nasty sting that burns like hell and then lasts a couple of days. If you get stung, your arm looks like it’s been licked by a leather whip. It’s not a pleasant experience.

This morning, the wind had dropped, and I arrived to overhear that the blue bottles were out in full force. There’s were ‘clumps’ of them floating just beyond the shore break. I looked around to get a feel for the crowd. Some people debated whether to risk it. I understood why it wasn’t a straightforward no. It was Sunday morning, and some of them had traveled a long way to get here – should they risk the blue bottles and get into the water? I watched as some of them waded into the white water with only speedos, caps, and swim goggles.

I stood for a minute and then, a little disappointed, turned around and headed back home. I’m lucky enough to be able to come back tomorrow for another swim, or the next day, or the day after that. I know that the swim and community are essential to me, so I’ve structured my life around these moments where I don’t have to risk getting stung for a fix. I get to say next time.

Structure your life around the things that bring you joy or relieve your stress. Build it into your daily rituals. It shouldn’t have to feel like the last hurrah each time.

When the structure is in place, then it’s a lot easier to enjoy it day-to-day. And you also get to say next time.

Most people who complain and fight about stuff online also complain about things in the real world. Next time you read a toxic comment on twitter or a complaint about a flight delay, traffic, San Francisco, click on the complainer’s profile and read their other tweets. Most of the time they are bitching about everything else as well: A buggy product work, politics, other people. 

The other day I overheard someone at the park complaining about another parent’s kids. The person was being entirely over the top, dropping f-bombs, basically a complete wanker. A couple of days later, I saw the same person in the grocery store complaining about some mundane thing while the sales clerk nodded patiently. I felt like going over and saying that this it was he’s always like. For some people complaining and fighting is their default operating system. 

Mute these people on twitter and ignore them in real life. Their bark is worse than their bite, but it’s still not worth your time and energy. Their anger usually is covering up for sadness and trauma, but let them unpack that stuff with their therapist or their mother.

Move one and hang out with positive people. 

Any new sport starts with a high addictive energy kick. The Endorphin highs and excitement is fantastic. Anything is possible. You want to master whatever it is.

The next phase is the dip. Your muscles hurt, progress slows down, and low energy kicks in. If it’s surfing, the dip is when you start getting a rash, and the salt water burns the chafing. If it’s yoga, the dip is when getting up for a morning class feels like a chore, and your back muscles are sending warning timeout signals.

Breakthroughs happen after a dip. Most people miss them because they give up during the dip. Breakthroughs happen when you start going through the motions, and muscle memory kicks in. You get into the zone. There’s no warning, then suddenly it happens – clarity, peace, calm – and then it’s gone.

Keep working and push through the next dip when it arrives. The cool thing is that the breakthroughs are cumulative and build over time. The bad news is that the dips get deeper too.

Keep going; it’s worth it.

Want to get physically fit? Hang out with fit people.

Want to eat healthily? Break bread with people who eat a balanced diet and are thoughtful eaters.

Want less phone time? Socialize with people who have the discipline to be present when they are interacting with you.

Want to raise your kids to be good citizens? Move to a neighborhood or city that has similar values.

Peer pressure is a force for good if it pressures you into making healthy, sensible decisions.

Show me your peers and show you your future.

I used to think that being called a pragmatist was a compliment, and being called pedantic was an insult. But I’ve learned that it depends on the circumstances.

I don’t want a pragmatic anesthesiologist if I am getting prepped for surgery. The dosage needs to be accurate. Too much and sometimes it’s fatal, not enough, and the operation can’t begin. I’ll take pedantic all day long.

If I’m baking a cake and I can’t remember how much salt to add, then just a couple of pinches will do. It won’t matter if it’s too much or too little. Just enough is plenty. That’s where pragmatism works just fine.

The same principals apply to contract negotiation. Some clauses require accuracy and precision. Be pedantic, because those details could save your business or your livelihood later on. There are parts of the contract that may be worth conceding, and that’s where pragmatism kicks in.

Pragmatism saves me time upfront and helps me get stuff done. Pedanticism saves my skin later when things get examined with a fine-tooth comb. Learn to spot the difference.

Whenever we are given an expensive bottle of wine or splurge on our favorite bottle, we nickname it Earthquake Wine.

Living in California means that experiencing an earthquake is not about if, it’s about when. We’ve seen the pictures of the 1989 Loma Prieta quake. Big shocks mean broken windows, overturned bookcases, and severe structural damage. I doubt that a bottle of wine in a cupboard will go unscathed. So why wait? We drink it and savor it when we’ve got it. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion. These bottles don’t gather dust in our house

With most beautiful things, I can never understand why people buy fancy watches or rare cars and then store them in cotton wool never to see daylight — what a waste. If I’m going to buy it, then I plan to enjoy it.

It’s like the saying “give with warm hands” – if I I’m going to give, then I do it while I’m are alive and share in the joy of sharing and giving. Don’t wait until you are dead. What’s the point?

Pop open that bottle and enjoy it, put on the watch, take the car for a spin, help out someone now. Do it with warm hands.

Don’t wait, do it. What would you do if you waited another six months or six years?

From each decision, understand the possible outcomes from that decision. Will you know more if you wait and take more time, or are you just afraid of the unknown. Be honest.

An outcome after you make a decision depends on the probability of a particular result. Maybe you are 99% certain of the outcome, or perhaps you are 20% certain. Plan accordingly.

We procrastinate because we want certainty and control when we make a decision. If we had 100% certainty in life, then all decisions would be easy! Use the best information you have at the time and then proceed.

Audience member: "Dave Chappelle, what advice would you give to someone who wants to start a career in comedy?"

Chappelle: "Start."

— Matt Turck (@mattturck) December 16, 2019

“While we are postponing, life speeds by.” – Seneca

Pause. 

Relax your jaw. 

Close your eyes and rotate your eyeballs. 

Relax your face and drop the frown or the creased forehead. 

Wiggle your fingers and let your hands slowly close to their natural resting position. 

Take a deep belly breath and feel your shoulder drop and relax. 

Repeat. 

Photo by Elmira Gokoryan on Unsplash